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You were likely told the abuse is your fault and may still struggle in believing that you are/were not responsible for the abuse. Feeling responsible for the abuse may in part protect you from feeling the terror, vulnerability and powerlessness you experienced.
You may believe that had you just done something differently, the abuse would not have occurred. This thinking is unfortunately supported by your abuser in committing the abuse and denying responsibility for the abuse. Your abuser(s) my have encouraged you to believe that you caused them to "lose control". When listening to people who are being charged or confronted with their abuse, we hear the continous shift of responsibility onto the child victim. Since child sexual abuse involves the abuse of power and exploitation of the child's trust by the abuser, it is an important part of your healing to clear up the misinformation that you've been fed about power and the abuse you experienced. Grown-ups are responsible for their own behaviour.
When you were being sexually abused, the intimidation and unequal balance of power was frequently subtle and understood at an unconscious level by both yourself and your abuser. Consciously you are ware that you may not have said no or protested the abuse. Consequently, you may fantasize that you may have been able to prevent the abuse from happening. This fantasy serves many emotional roles in that it provides an illusion of control over a situation where you were powerless and vulnerable, provides a topic to completely focus on which may serve to distance you from your feelings of grief and terror associated with the abuse, and reinforces the guilt and shame you experienced.
Feelings associated with the sexual abuse include powerlessness and vulnerability. You likely had little emotional protection or space for experiencing and dealing with these feelings. To protect against feeling powerless, you perhaps find ways to create the illusion of control ranging from playing the role of seducer with the abuser to prostitution. This affirmation, YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE ABUSE HAPPEN, will hopefully support you in moving to a deeper level of acknowledgement and understanding of the feelings of powerlessness, terror and grief that are associated with the abuse.
This affirmation is useful in conjunction with YOU COULDN'T HAVE STOPPED THE ABUSE and YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT HAPPEN. When children go along with(there is not choice) abuse and to "block off" from the feelings, we believe they choose to do so out of a clear knowledge of the danger in the situation and an unconscious desire and wisdom about preserving their safety. You did what you did in order to survive.
This affirmation may be particularly usefel in a variety of situations related to you healing from the sexual abuse. Like many other survivors, your childhood was likely filled with secrecy, expecially around the abuse. Everybody needs and deserves a space to talk may be helpful in reminding you that you are now in a safer place to talk. Also, for adult survivors who have developed M.P.D./D.I.D. as a mechanism for surviving sexual abuse, this can affirm each part's right to have their story heard and accepted by every other part.
Maintaining the secrecy continues the abuse long after the child is grown up and no longer in the abusive situation. Secrecy maintains the contaminated thinking and prevents the plain and clear thinking that the childs needs for recovery. Soon, many things are kept secret, creating a very lonely and isolating existence.
