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The most effective method of combating child abduction and sexual assault are by preventing opportunities that abductors will try to take advantage of. Parent and caregivers can start with basics and as the child matures the rules can become more complex and in-depth. The more information a child has, the more aware and prepared he or she can be. An important note here is that while children require certain information, the purpose is not to frighten them. Also, it is never their fault.
This game does a number of things for you and your child. You can begin this game anywhere. You get to learn what is in their minds. You may begin by saying "What if you couldn't see mommy or daddy in the store?" You can lead the conversation around to teaching them the best idea is to go immediately to the nearest cash register or to another parent with a child. You can also say "What if someone tried to get you to go with them or makes you uncomfortable by touching you?" This question is used to teach children about screaming in a public place and the need for drawing attention to the fact; the adult harassing them is not their caregiver. This is difficult to get across because we teach them to be polite and quiet. You are teaching the child to think for itself.
This rule needs to be modified. A stranger is a concept unknown to your child. The daycare teacher is a stranger, until your child gets to know them. The clerk in the grocery store is a stranger. She/he may say hello to you every day and therefore may stop being a stranger in your child's eyes. Right? Wrong! Instead of talking about good stranger or bad strangers, you need to teach children about the specific ploys used by potential offenders. They may need strangers' help. Make sure your child has the ability to respond to situations instead of individuals.
Most offenders check to see if the child can keep a secret. If you train your child not to have secrets, many abusers may not take the risk of starting a relationship with your child. A four year old can tell the difference between a birthday surprise and an unhealthy secret. It is not really the secret that should make one suspicious. Rather, it is the request by an adult for a child to maintain secrecy that has the potential for danger.
Always know where your child is and whom they are going to see. It is important as your child makes friends that you meet them. Drive the children over to the house and go inside. Encourage your child to use the buddy system. Abductors are more likely to abduct a child who is alone. A child who feels listened to, will not need to respond to an offender's overture of caring.
Abductors may remove a child from their school or extra-curricular activities. The potential abductor may pose as a friend of yours. Th best method to avoid this is to have a code that you and your child have agreed upon. If someone is picking up your child, they must say the code. The child should be told never to ask the adult for the secret code - the adult should volunteer it. Otherwise, the child should go to a teacher or someone they know to verify the person's story and call the parents. Also, never have barrettes, pens, shirts, with the child's name on it.
Parents should always accompany their children into buildings. Children left to find their way inside buildings or walking through parks are vulnerable.
Keep photos, fingerprints, footprints and record any identifying markings of your child. A child identification kit is available through Victims of Violence Canadian Center for Missing Children.
Always work on this. If your child is feeling uncomfortable around an adult, look for a reason. If your child is reaching the adolescent years, make sure that if anything does arise, she/he can speak to you first, and not feel ashamed or fear punishment.
Teach your child to use the telephone, including long distance calls. If they are abducted, they may be able to call you. If they cannot reach home, teach them to dial 911 or 0 and read the telephone number off the phone they are using. This knowledge is vital.
Never, ever leave your child in a car. Small infants and toddlers are not only at great risk of abduction, but this can be dangerous to the child's health.
The offender usually poses as a police officer, security guard or another uniformed authority figure. Children are taught at a very early age to have respect for authority. Teach your child to question the police officer or take the "officer" to someone the child trusts in order to check his or her credentials.
The trust of the child is usually gained over a period of time. Abusers have been known to spend long periods of time gaining trust, usually in a place that is familiar to the child. This is dangerous because a child may be torn whether to report any inappropriate behavior by their new "friend" or not. Caregivers need to be aware of adult "friends". Always supervise the relationship other adult have with your child.
The offender will usually approach the child with a job offer using the "bait" of a high salary or fantastic reward. The offender may dress the part and carry business cards to gain the child's trust. The abductor will then make up a situation where the child is asked to get into the abductor's car, or go to their home. Children must be taught to consult their caregivers if anyone offers them a job or money.
At the playground, the child might be offered a ride home, or promised to show the child something spectacular at the offender's home. It may be something simple or elaborate. Caregivers must be concerned with any adult who is showing inappropriate attention in their child.
This is the "stranger in need" ploy. The offender will appear in need by wrapping their arm or hand in a cast or bandage. The child is asked to help carry bags or parcels. Then they are forcibly taken. Another ruse is the "lost" puppy. When the child is helping the offender look for their dog, they may be taken. What child does not want to help? Children should be taught that adults do not normally go to children for help, they should ask another adult.
Candy is a favorite ploy. It makes the perpetrator seem friendly and nice. Anything can be laced with drugs. For teenager, beer and drugs may be offered. Be aware of "date rape" drugs. The teen may feel "grown up" and flattered. The key to defeating this ploy is open communication with teens and teaching your child not to accept edible gifts from anyone.
The perpetrator may claim to be a photographer who feels your child is an undiscovered star. An offender may promise money and shower them with compliments to gain the young person's trust. No legitimate photographer or agency would do a photo shoot without the authorized signature of the parent and they would usually insist on the parents being present. This can be a ruse for child pornography.
Offenders may show a weapon and threaten to harm a friend, family member or pet. The best defense for the child is to scream "you are not my mother/father! Help Me!" Even if a weapon has been shown, your child has a lesser chance of survival if she/he goes to a remote location with the offender. Fear and shame may keep your child from telling. Caregivers must teach children that they are not to blame, that the child is the owner of his/her body and has the right to say no to adults and that they can communicate honestly. Others have also yelled "Fire! Help!" Children do not lie about sexual abuse. If you child discloses abuse, you must let the child know you love them, believe them and will do everything you can to help them. Although the idea may be painful, please remember that trusted family members and friends could possibly harm your child. Keeping the secret for years, does a lot of emotional and mental damage. Keep the lines of open talk open!
