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Flashbacks are memories of past trauma. They may take the form of pictures, sounds, smells, body memories, feelings or the lack of them (numbness). Many times there is no actual visual or auditory memory. One may have the sense of panic, being trapped, feeling powerless with no memory stimulating it. These experiences can also happen in dreams.
As a child (or adolescent) we had to insulate ourselves from the emotional and physical horrors of the trauma. In order to survive, that insulated child remained isolated, unable to express the feelings and thoughts of that time. It is as though we put that part into a time capsule until it comes out full-blown in the present.
When that part comes out, the little one is experiencing the past as if it were happening today. As the flashback occurs, it is as if we forget that we have an ADULT part available to use for reassurance, protection, and grounding. The intense feelings and body sensations occurring are so frightening because the feelings/sensations occurring are not related to reality of the present and may at times seem to come from nowhere.
We begin to avoid situations, and stimuli, that we think triggered. Many times flashbacks occur during any form of sexual intimacy, or it may be a person who has similar characteristics, as the perpetrator, or it may be a situation that stirs up similar trapped feelings (confrontation, aggressive people).
If you are feeling small.....you are experiencing a flashback. If you are experiencing stronger feelings than are called for in the present situation......you are experiencing a flashback.
Vietnam vets have normalized this experience and have coined the term post traumatic stress syndrome. Even the diagnostic category book for psychiatry defines post traumatic stress syndrome as the normal experience of all people experiencing an event that is outside the range of normal human experience. Flashbacks feel crazy because the little one doesn’t know that there is an adult survivor to help. The feelings that were forbidden long ago, such as fear, anger, rage, terror, did not go anywhere. They waited till the survivor was strong enough to feel them.
Tell yourself that you are having a flashback. Remind yourself that the worst is over. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are memories of the past. The actual event took place long ago when you were little and YOU SURVIVED. Now it is time to HONOR YOUR EXPERIENCE.
Get grounded. This means stamping your feet on the ground so that the little one knows that you have feet and can get away now if you need to. (As a child you couldn’t get away.....now you can).
Breathe. When we get scared, we stop normal breathing. As a result our body begins to panic from the lack of oxygen. Lack of oxygen in itself causes a great deal of panic feelings; pounding in the head, tightness, sweating, feeling faint, shakiness, dizziness. When we breathe deeply enough, a lot of the panic feeling can decrease. Breathing deeply means putting your hand on your diaphragm and breathing deeply enough so that your diaphragm pushes against your hand and then exhaling so that the diaphragm goes in.
Reorient the present. Begin to use your five senses in the present. Look around to see the colors in your room, the shapes of things, the people near, etc. Listen to the sounds in the room; your breathing, traffic, birds, people, cars, etc. Feel your body and what is touching it: your clothes, your own arms and hands, the chair or floor supporting you.
Speak to the little one and reassure her/him. It is very healing to get your adult in the picture so your little one now knows that she/he is not alone, that you are not in danger now, that you can get out if you need to, that it is OK to feel the feelings of long ago without reprisal. The child needs to know that it is safe to experience the feelings/sensations and let go of the past.
Get in touch with your need for boundaries. Sometimes when we are having a flashback we lose the sense of where we leave off and where the world begins; as if we do not have any skin. Wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a pillow or stuffed animal, go to bed, sit in a closet.....anyway that you can feel yourself truly protected from the outside.
Get support. Depending on your situation you may need to be alone or may want someone near you. In either case it is important that your close ones know about flashbacks so they can help you with the process, whether that means letting you be or being there. Put a note on the fridge: Flashbacks are for now, not forever.
Take time to recover. Sometimes flashbacks are very powerful. Give yourself the time to make the transition from this powerful experience. Don’t expect yourself to jump into adult activities right away. Take a nap, or a warm bath, or some quiet time, read, listen to music, burn incense. Be kind and gentle with yourself for having a flashback. Appreciate how much your little one went through as a child. This pain deserves to be heard....finally.
Honor your experience. Appreciate yourself for having survived that horrible time as a child. Respect your body’s need to experience those feelings of long ago.
Be patient. It takes time to heal the past. It takes time to learn appropriate ways of taking care of self, of being an adult who has feelings, and developing effective ways of coping here and now.
Join a group. Survivors are wonderful allies in this process of healing. It is a healing thing to share your process with others who understand so deeply what you are going through.
