|
|
These are thoughts, not hard and fast rules, some may fit and some may not. Each person is different, but it was attempted to put in as many as could be thought of. No doubt some were missed. Some may be looked upon as habits, but would it be worth looking and tracing back where those habits came from if they are making your life hard for you now?
-feeling ugly inside
-feeling of worthlessness
-feeling that you are in the way
-a tendency to over apologize and be overly solicitous to the point of making others angry
-feeling that you are stupid, a failure, a loser
-guilt feelings and feelings of shame
-tendency to blame yourself for whatever goes wrong
-inability to complete tasks
-a tendency to sabotage success. (Victims often do not believe they deserve good things)
-tendency to be victimized by others
-feelings of helplessness
-difficulty trusting others
-being distant, aloof
-tendency to be involved with destructive people who abuse you physically, verbally, emotionally or sexually. (This may be the victim's way of punishing themselves for the abuse, or they may be repeating the pattern of abuse by being with people who are like her parents or the perpetrator.)
-lack of empathy or concern for others. (Victims may be so concerned with survival that they are unable to reach out to others or to notice other people's problems.)
-a deep sense of isolation
-difficulty with physical affection. Not want to be hugged or touched; inability to express physical affection. Fearful of other's motives or of being misunderstood when you are affectionate.
-secrecy, evasiveness, and tendency to withhold information from others. Or the opposite, a tendency to "tell all". (Because victims had to "hold in" their terrible secret, they may now go to the opposite extreme of telling everyone their story, even when it is inappropriate.)
-a tendency to "give yourself away." This includes helping others so much that you become exhausted, depriving yourself to give to others, giving away your personal possessions, and becoming sexually involved with anyone who desires you.
-difficulties with authority figures. Frequent problems with bosses, teacher, or leaders (People who often remind victims of abusive parents or the perpetrator.)
-difficulty communicating desires, thoughts, and feelings to others. This includes "being at a loss for words", stuttering, stammering, and being afraid to speak in front of groups. (Victims who were told to "keep quiet", to "not tell anyone what we're doing", now fear being punished when they try to open up and talk.)
-difficulty receiving from others. This includes awkwardness in accepting presents, favors, or compliments. Of its opposite, expecting others to show their love by buying you presents or giving you money (not believing they care unless they do.)
-lack of sexual desire or inhibition of sexual feelings. Inability to enjoy sex or have an orgasm.
-sexual disfuncions such as vaginismus(an involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles, making penetration difficult or impossible.) and painful intercourse.
-inability to enjoy certain types of sexuality (can't be penetrated but can engage in oral sex; can't be fondled but can be penetrated; can't be touched on certain part of the body.)
-problems with sexual identity
-promiscuity; continuing to be a sexual object. attraction to "illicit" sexual activities such as pornography and prostitution-anger and disgust at any public ( or media) display of affection, sexuality, nudity or partial nudity.
-sexual manipulation. This includes using seductiveness or other forms of sexual manipulation to get what you want in your marital social, or business relationships. Sexualizing all relationships (which can cause victims to be come sexual victimizers of their own or other people's children.
-sexual addiction, wherein victims, sexualized early on, often become addicted to daily sex or masturbation as a way of alleviation of anxiety and comforting themselves.
-intense anger and rage that sometimes bursts out unexpectedly
-mood swings, ranging from deep depression to an overactive manic state
-chronic depression, resulting in sleeping too much and feeling apathetic, lethargic, hopeless, and even suicidal
-dissociation, a "splitting off" from oneself that probably started as a protection from the pain and devastation of the sexual abuse. Time blockages ("forgotten" periods of time, lasting even years, that are blocked from memory) and feelings of numbness in various parts of the body or even the entire body are also sign of dissociation.
-extreme fears or phobias, including claustrophobia, an inordinate fear of going to the doctor or dentist; fear of taking a bath or shower; fear of going to sleep, of going to sleep with the door open (or closed), or of sleeping with anyone; fear of using public restrooms.
-sleep disturbances, severe teeth grinding, nightmares, insomnia , waking up at the same time every night. (Because sexual abuse often occurred at night, victims tends to go to bed in anxious state.)
-addiction to food, alcohol or drugs. (These are often avoidance tactics, or coping mechanisms , ways to elude feelings of anger, fear and pain. To numb out. They may have been originally introduced by the perpetrator as a way for him to have more power over the victim.
-obsessive/compulsive disorder behavior, as in obsessive thoughts or compulsive shopping, shoplifting, gambling, or cleaning. (As with addictions, obsessions and compulsions are way to elude emotions.)
-eating disorders. These include anorexia (slow suicide, the need to disappear or be invisible or be perfect); obesity (fear of being attractive, need to nurture self through food, need for extra padding as a cushion against getting hurt so much); and bulimia (need to be in control of what goes in and out of your body.)
-flashbacks
