I have been asked to speak as to my reasons…….. for doing advocacy.
I am an incest survivor and I know abuse is a crime. I believe others are here for similar reasons.
The abuse was never your fault.
You were the child.
You did not "make" the adult abuse you. The adult chose to.
Healing……. Is slow, so slow…… you don’t see it from one day to the next, but look back over a year….. and there is movement.
I am not who I was...... and I like who I am becoming.
I am not done........ becoming.
Why I do this……. Is to pass that on…… someone was there for me. And they impacted my WHOLE life, which in turn…… impacted how I relate to my children, friends and so on. It is a choice how we impact others.
This rally is always viewed as political. But to me...... you are either for violence against women and children or you are against it.
I know any kind of abuse is wrong.
Be it verbal, mental, emotional, physical or sexual.
There is NO way to justify it.
When I read, hear or witness something and my nose wrinkles..... for me that is a sign I had better pay attention..... What's POPULAR is not always Right. What's RIGHT is Not Always Popular.
Through where I volunteer at the Sexual Assault Ctr., there are many options of advocacy.
There is the crisis line.
There is team-leading. (Supervising the crisis line)
There is peer counseling, and group facilitation.
There is training new volunteers and doing test calls.
There is office work. *filing sux* and doing child care for clients.
There is posters to make, T-shirts to design.
There is hospital, police and court accompaniments.
There is "Take Back The Nite" March.
There is committees created to make that happen.
There is mall displays and fairs.
There is letter campaigns about what is going on in court and sentencing.
There was a movement to get women out to vote. We flyered our whole area.
There is demonstrations we have gone to.
*Note* Don't wear your good clothes to those.* I know I have missed listing ways to impact.
Finding a community like this has given me so much. I have laughed, connected and seen progress.
The other thing is...... you can do advocacy WHEREVER you are.
Challenge body image/beauty myths. When someone says they are fat….. tell they are they way their body says it is supposed to be.
Challenge sexist/racist/ageist jokes.
Challenge the myth that clothing causes rape, or short skirts.... Sexual assault is violence using sex as the weapon.
Challenge when you hear someone call another, “Slut or whore.” They are choosing a label to hurt, to show hate. I doubt it is a comment about what a person chooses to do in their sex life.
It is everywhere..... it really is.
Hell, I have pamphlets in my car.
We left one each day on a perp's windshield wiper. We did that till we got his hours changed so that he was not working around kids.
Best I could do.
We can cause pain or joy. We can quest for power over others, or respect where they are at. We can view success as having "things" and more money. There is an old joke or saying...... "he who dies with the most toys, wins".
Wins.......... what?
"He was the richest man in the cemetery".
I do not view success that way. I am far richer, by the lives that interconnect with mine. By the "rough" times that friendships I have, have endured. The connectedness through an issue, through laughter, through tears, through supporting one another..... through challenging one another. When someone works something through me with, when they face it and deal and we struggle and STILL retain the friendship and respect...... that means so much to me. When someone walks away or wants to pretend that it did not happen...... it changes it for me. And YES, that is my stuff and my bias.
For myself..... I knew the pain and the anger was something that covered me..... and I wanted a day that I did not hurt...... at first it was a light hour, then 2...... healing is not one day in pain, and the next... it is over.
It is slow.....
And this time....... we get to talk.
We get support....
We feel and we can say what we feel......
There is another side, over the mountain..... how ever you want to say it. It will not be like this forever. I want to be a person that does not add to the pain.
For myself.....I try to be aware of whose "needs" am I meeting....... if at anytime, it is mine.... I "need" to hibernate and back off and look after myself and recharge.
If I am doing support...... it is never my "needs".
I have my own thoughts on abuse, but if I push my agenda, I am again removing power and control out of the survivor's life.... I am telling them, they are not capable. And that…….. just ain’t so.
I don't want to be ...... one of them.
My mother tells me I tilt at windmills……… that may be, but sometimes………. Ya hear’em creak. Sometimes…… they are MOVED. And I know silence does not work. If I am told…… something can’t be done and I KNOW it is the right thing to do…… I have a tendency…… to keep at it. No laughing please.
Another told me…… “thought is the reality”. If I believe it is hopeless, that is how I will be, that WILL be my space…… if I think I can make a difference, support someone, believe someone, give options…… then that is how I will be.
I will not be the richest person in the cemetery…… but I will have laughed, loved, and taken a stand. And felt……. That what I stood for and did….. had impact.
I asked my daughters…… why do you think I do advocacy? The youngest said, “to educate and help support people, cause you don’t want to cause pain, cause you were in pain and you know what it is like”. The oldest answered, “to stop abuse.”
That maybe why we are ALL here.
And if you feel it is not your cause…… do you know a woman or a child? It is…. Your cause.
And if you say you don’t know a survivor of abuse……… you do now. You know me. I am Salem3x3.
I have a story that was given to me…… along with a starfish that I am going to read.
The Starfish Story
There's a story about a child who once lived by the ocean. One day he saw that his favorite beach was full of starfish which had been washed ashore in a terrible storm.
The little boy knew that unless the starfish were returned to the water they would surely die. Even though there were thousands of starfish and he was only one small person, the boy knew he had to try his best to return them to safety. So he started to pick up the starfish, one at a time, and tossed each one as far out into the ocean as he possibly could throw them.
A man came by and seeing what the boy was doing; simply laughed at him.
"You're just wasting your time," said the man as he pointed to the thousands of lost starfish stranded on the shore of the beach.
"It won't matter son, you can't possibly save these starfish."
As the child picked up the next starfish he answered, "maybe so Sir, but it matters to this one!"
